Date posted:
Thu 10 October 2019
Sheila Byrne from We Are Hope Street joined us today for our #WorldMentalHealthDay event. She spoke about how she overcame her breakdown and turned it into something positive in her moving and inspirational talk. For those who attended, and anyone else who is interested, this is her background story.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve struggled with anxiety but in 2016 a life event happened that changed me for good.
Firstly, I experienced some abuse during my childhood. Therefore, when I was bullied in my first marriage and in work, it became a pattern of behaviour I subjected myself to. I imagine, it was a case of not feeling worthy of safety, love and wellbeing.
In 2014, I began employment in a Liverpool prison and I’d never had a job I’d loved so much; aside from the manager and my colleague who I shared an equal position with. However; I was passionate about the work and making a difference to less fortunate people and gave 100%. I was employed on a part-time contract in the mornings and ) hour contract for the afternoons; yet, I worked these hours every day throughout my employment, so I asked for my contract to be reviewed. The following week someone was employed on a temporary contract and after some weeks I took a call which confirmed that she was employed on a full-time contract, so they lied to me and broke employment law. I spoke to management about their decision and again they lied to me. Sufficed to say, from hereon in I was victimised at work and had my additional hours removed. Every day, I went to work, I would be marched into the office to receive a dressing down about one thing and another. This behaviour continued until another manager was brought in, so I believed this would now settle. It wasn’t long before this manager was demonstrating the same behaviour towards me and for a year of my employment there, this victimisation continued, until 5th January 2016 after the Christmas holiday, I was made to do the job of 3 people alone and when I wasn’t accomplishing the workload, I was sanctioned by a line manager, deputy line manager and then the manager. The following day, the victimisation continued and this was the moment I broke 6th January 2016. I left work that day but don’t remember driving home, was taken to the hospital by my husband and my heart rate had tripled. I was prescribed Diazepam until I could see my GP the following day.
On 7th January 2016, I visited the GP with my husband but I’d lost the ability to speak and it was at this point, I was signed off work and given my first lot of anti-depressants because I’d had a nervous breakdown…basically, my body couldn’t take any more. From here on in, I was unable to talk, walk, leave the house, open a door, answer a phone, pay bills, shower, sleep, cook…all the things that we take for granted as an adult. What had happened, was my body had coped for too long and had finally shut down, so I could no longer function on a daily basis.
I waited for support from local NHS mental health team, which took 12-months because they lost my paperwork and during this time my condition became worse; whereby, I was having flashbacks from my childhood and work, then eventually in December 2017, I thought there was no way out, so left our home early hours and attempted to throw myself from a bridge. Thankfully, my husband heard me leave and prevented me from jumping but then I tried to throw myself in front of a lorry and finally I attempted to throw myself in front of a SUV. I’m glad my husband stopped me that night because, I’d be missing out on watching my grandsons growing-up and I wouldn’t be in the line of work I’m in now.
According to my Husband, during the 12-months prior to my breakdown, my behaviour had changed, whereby, I was irrational, sporadic and extremely agitated but this isn’t something I recognised in myself. If you do see someone dear to you suddenly change their behaviour, then be mindful that they could be heading in the same direction as me. Talk to them, seek support, go along with them to support groups, do activities with them that you know they enjoy, treat them to a massage, try alternative therapies…generally make them feel good about themselves and hopefully you can be that one person who prevents your loved-ones from experiencing the point of despair.
One thing I’ve taken from this is, for every negative, there is a positive and my illness has given me the passion and drive to support other people from reaching the point I did. I hate that I’m now living with PTSD, anxiety, depression and OCD; however, I don’t let this define me or my future and I’ve been determined to get better.